I have demons in me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
be right there i have to get my cape
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
