so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
do nipples grow back?
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