My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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