Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
