i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
