is your mom at the bar?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
