ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
