Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
