Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
