I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
