Soap is not a condiment
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
