Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
