no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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