everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sober January is a disaster.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
