Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
NoShamevember. You game?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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