I need help removing her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
