I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize