omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
