Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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