Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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