It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
