you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
