counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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