I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
