somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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