I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
