how can u be prego again
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
