White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
