my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
