Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Couch. On fire.
PANTIES FOUND
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