4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I want is dick and wine.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
