I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
