Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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