Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize