Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
