I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
