I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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