Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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