We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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