fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
handjob tips. give me some.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
