HIV tests are more positive than that guy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want to fling myself into the sun
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
