my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
