I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
