Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
