If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
