If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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