ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
