I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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