If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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