I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
