Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
