that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
