If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
