you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
