6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
