i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
