You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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