Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
