just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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