a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
