M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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