Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him