Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.