I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?