I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
