Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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