We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
