I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
