And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
