none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
