Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
