Cold hands, warm shart.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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