You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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