I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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