My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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