We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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