I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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