Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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