I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
