I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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