best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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