I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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