It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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