Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
